We don't grab onto the nearest person while falling down.
More precise steering.
We can stop.
We can ride over bladers without slowing down.
Can't strap 32 ounces of water to roller blades.
Can't strap 40 ounces of beer to roller-bladers.
Never need to buy 8 new wheels.
We can sit down.
We were here first.
Don't need to change shoes after getting somewhere.
Never rack our nuts on a stair-rail.
Replace our brakes like once every 3 years.
Can get more air.
No need to swing arms, aimlessly.
We can go farther.
You can lock a bike to a lightpost.
You can lock a bike to a tree.
You can lock a bike to a parking meter.
You can lock a bike to a sign.
You can carry a lock on a bike.
Joggers don't hate bicyclists.
We look cooler.
We don't have to see a big, fat blader ass in spandex pass us.
We can change gears.
There are no crazy, roller-blade messengers.
No such thing as a bicycle rink.
Biking is better exercise.
Nothing special about blading "no handed".
1 blader takes up the space of 2 bikers.
1 blader takes up the space of 2 joggers.
Never see bikers riding along, holding hands, taking up the whole damn road.
Never see bikers pretending to be ice skating.
Never see bikers riding backwards, oblivious to oncoming traffic.
If we wreck, we are not strapped into the bike.
Never forget how to ride a bike.
1 word, suspension.
Another word, cadence.
Nobody has ever bladed across America.
Bicyclists have raised millions of dollars for charity.
There are several magazines devoted to biking.
There are several books on biking.
There are several movies about biking.
Can't do a "wheelie" on blades.
Some bladers wear BICYCLE helmets.
Some bladers wear BICYCLE shorts.
Some bladers wear BICYCLE gloves.
Blading isn't an olympic sport.
No such thing as a roller-blading cap.
No such thing as a roller-blading jersey.
Easier to see a bicyclist during the day because we are bigger.
Easier to see a bicyclist at night because of reflectors.
Can strap a light, or lights, to our handlebars.
People who ride bikes in public, already know how to ride a bike.
The Tour de France.
Can't blade around Moab Utah.
There are no famous roller-bladers.
Bladers don't pass bicyclists, laughing at how slow they are.
If a blader and a bicyclist run into each other, the blader will be hurt more.
No such thing as "extreme" blading (but it would be fun to watch).
Poor kids in Africa, don't want roller-blades.
Nobody born before 1985 ever asked their parents for roller-blades for Christmas.
Bikes come in more colors.
Can't roller-blade in snow.
Can't ride roller-blades on the beach.
Can't roller-blade (if you want to stop) in rain.
Bikes have front and rear brakes.
Never seen a car with roller-blades strapped to it's roof.
Nobody ever rode a bike to disco music.
A triathlon does not include blading.
You can still ride a bike that isn't your size.
Can't use your arms to help you blade uphill.
Bikes cost less to maintain.
Aluminum roller blades would be stupid.
There are no plastic bicycles.
If you hike into the mountains, there are no roller-bladers.
Bicyclists outnumber roller-bladers.
Riding roller-blades in the street is a bad idea.
Riding roller-blades on the sidewalk is a bad idea.
No such thing as a roller-blade pump.
No such thing as roller-blade shoes.
A bicycle u-lock makes an excellent weapon.
Can't roller-blade on the highway.
The Power Bar was invented by a bicyclist.
Never seen roller-blades with an onboard computer.
There are no free standing roller-blades in health clubs.
Never seen roller-blades with a basket.
Never seen roller-blades with a bell.
Never seen a tandem set of roller-bladers.
No such thing as roller-blade cops.
You are taller on a bike.
Imagine if everyone in China traded in their bikes for roller-blades.
Bikes don't smell like sweaty feet.
Bikes last longer.
Some bikes actually appreciate in value.
There are no roller-blades in museums.
So get rid of those dangerous, smelly, plastic shoes with wheels and buy a real form of transportation.
Back in 1997, this list was widely circulated as a humorous email message. I thought it was amusing, and contacted the author. He gave me permission to put it on my Website, so I did.
Some of it is dated, some is inaccurate, but I didn't write it and I have no interest in revising it. It's a JOKE!
In January, 2002, a mention of this apparently was featured in a skating magazine called "Daily Bread." I received a flurry of email messages from outraged, humorless roller skaters. These messaages show a surprising level of reasoning and articulateness.
In the interest of fairness, I'm letting some of these roller skaters have their say: