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Blades vs. Bikes-Rebuttals
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by Sheldon Brown
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Back in 1997, a humorous email message called "101 Reasons Why biking Is Better Than Blading" made the rounds of the Internet. I thought it was amusing, and contacted the author. He gave me permission to put it on my Website, so I did.

In January, 2002, a mention of this apparently was featured in a skating magazine called "Daily Bread." I received a flurry of email messages from outraged, humorless roller skaters. These messaages show a surprising level of reasoning and articulateness.

In the interest of fairness, I'm letting some of these roller skaters have their say:

Subject: 101 reasons Subject: (no subject) Subject: your ignorance is hillarious
Subject: your a fucking idiot Subject: fuck you seat humping faggot Subject: BIKES SUCK ASS

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Subject: 101 reasons

From: [email protected]
Date: Sat, 19 Jan 2002 21:44:50 EST
Subject: 101 reasons
To: captbikeat-symbol

i dont know if youre the one who wrote the 101 reasons thing but if you were 
then youre a complete idiot, if i had the time to re-read all of those 
reasons and explain to you why each and every one makes you more and more 
ignorant as your bable continues then i would but like i said i dont have the 
time. you need to stop with your stupidity and keep idiotic thoughts like 
those to yourself because all they will do is make people hate you like i now 
do.  you should go back and read some of the crap you wrote and see that alot 
of it clashes with previous remarks you made, like one for example is the one 
blader takes up the space of 2 bikers, then you go and say bikers  are easier 
to see at night becuase you are it just me or do those two 
comments clash?? see you are an idiot.

Subject: (no subject)

From: [email protected]
Date: Sun, 20 Jan 2002 20:30:21 EST
Subject: (no subject)
To: captbikeat-symbol

stupid ass biker,  blades kick so much more ass

Subject: your ignorance is hillarious

From: "Ian K.P."
To: CaptBikeat-symbol
Subject: your ignorance is hillarious
Date: Wed, 23 Jan 2002 20:10:11 +0000
X-OriginalArrivalTime: 23 Jan 2002 20:10:11.0868 (UTC) FILETIME=[F686C5C0:01C1A449]

I read your page on why biking is better than rollerblading and you
prove your own stupidity, its pretty amusing.  Before I go on, one
word why I wouldn't bike, spandex, you sick homos.

1. cause your pussy
3. no, skateboards are trendy
4. riding bumps must be real fun
8. we can too dipshit, but we dont need brakes and machinery to do
it for us
9. id like to see that. with your mountainbike? make sure you wear
your wrist guards
10. drinking fountain
11. too bad your not invited to parties
13. yeah your fucking retarded. i dont think you need to be a biker
to sit down although you probably are always in the bending-over
14. so were the indians
16. again, pussy comment, and yes you do
17. no brakes to replace
18. ever seen the gravity games contest? rollerbladers got more air
21-25. you can lock your bike but we can still beat the shit out of
26. fuck joggers
27. haha, in spandex. fuckin fags
28. no but you get to enjoy seeing your spandex buddies pass you
29. we dont have gears, or chains, or any of that machinery shit,
its called physical ability
32. go to the gym fairy
33. is there anything special about riding a bike no handed anyways?
34. 1 blader takes the space of 2 bikers? what the fuck are you
trippin on bikes are twice as big
35. we're the same size a joggers, but honestly, who gives a shit
about joggers?
39. if you wreck its twice as funny
41. 1 word, no suspension. ever seen a biker try to jump the 18ft
tall Leap of Faith at Point Loma high school?
43. drive across america
48. yes we can
49. poser
50. poser
51. poser
53. umm yes there is
54. oh dear god no
59. boring
61. oh dear god no
62. there are no famous rollerbladers? again, just shows how
uninformed and ignorant you are
64. same with a skateboarder, until we beat your ass afterwards, and
thats exactly why bikes are not allowed in so many parks. you use a
fucking huge machine to do shit
65. once again, your a fucking idiot
68. more colors? hahaha. you ARE fruity fucks. i bet you and your
boyfriend have matching pink bikes
73. we put them in the car moron
75. thank god
79. yep
80. yes there are
82. exactly, and who's trendy again?
85. exactly
86. we do have skate shoes idiot
87. a 9mm makes an excellent weapon
89. special
90. exactly
91-95. thank god
96. and high heels

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Subject: your a fucking idiot

From: [email protected]
Date: Wed, 23 Jan 2002 19:54:05 EST
Subject: your a fucking idiot
To: captbikeat-symbol

i bet you think your really funny huh well your not your just a fucking idiot 
that decides to ride a bike you r a fucking idiot peace of white trash that 
smells bad and everyone at school made fun of you so u go and buy a bike...i 
have been rollerblading a long time and bikers always think theyre better 
than us an its fucking stupid...if you dont like us then just cry about it i 
dont give a fuck but this whole idea of yours wasnt funny it was the 
stupidist thing ive seen in a long time go to hell

Subject: fuck you seat humping faggot

From: "Ian K.P."
To: CaptBikeat-symbol
Subject: fuck you seat humping faggot
Date: Fri, 25 Jan 2002 05:22:24 +0000
X-OriginalArrivalTime: 25 Jan 2002 05:22:24.0348 (UTC) FILETIME=[456FC1C0:01C1A560]

hey faggot, how's this for an introduction. is it adult enough for
you? haha. fucking retard.  its funny how you try and defend
yourself with ignorant and idiotic reasons and try to sound all
intellectual about it.  you actually sound like a complete fucking
moron to me.  if free speech applies i should just let you know how
much of a fucking homosexual spandex wearing dildo riding faggot you
are.  your wife must be a whore to putup with a moronic fuck like
yourself.  now go ahead and write back, go through paragraph by
paragraph trying to defend yourself and sound smart at the same
time.  you really struggle through it just as you did with the 101
jokes.  fucking goat raper.  hmm what to say about that one.  lets
see umm, try and sound smart now. hahahahha, you fucking low life
faggot. get another form of transportation before you have a hernia
about that shit.  i hope a rollerblader takes you out and you break
your wrists.  and your page isnt humor its hate, would 101 nigger
jokes be humor? hahah you fucking idiot, i shouldnt even be talking
to someone with mental disabilities like your own.  NOW LISTEN THIS
IS WHAT I WANT.  sound really calm and collected, address each issue
i mentioned, mention that i have no sence of humor and  dont conduct
myself like an adult, also mention that i have no social skills...
and then i will know you truely are a fucking homosexual spandex
wearing queer. oh yeah and dont forget to mention again you dont
ride spandex faggot. later, have fun having sex with your BIKER
buddies. hahahha, correct that too. hhaha. later butt rape, oh yeah
and mention again you have a wife to make it seem like your
hetrosexual yet you insist on doing that whore in the ass.
take that page off your site bitch.



From: "rlrbldr"
To: captbikeat-symbol
Date: Fri, 1 Feb 2002 17:24:01 -0500
X-Priority: 3

Taking the time to make a list of those reasons why biking is better
than rollerblading proves just how much of a LOSER YOU REALLY ARE!!!
-most of the shit on your list is gay as hell anyway    examples:if
you need to sit down while you're doing whatever, that usually means
that you are an out of shape pig,why the hell would anyone want to
strap a dildo, I mean light on a bike and ride around when there are
things called cars? Who gives a rats ass about power bars? Oh wait
you do. Baskets? Bells? Do you have a banana seat and frilly things
sticking out of your handle bars too? Yup tandem is pretty gay.

How do you figure that rollerblading is trendy when you
say that there are more bikers than rollerbladers? We don't have to
strap anything to our skates, we have these amazing new things
called HANDS that we can carry stuff with. You should try them , oh
wait you're too busy holding on to your handle bars. #8.  We can
stop. This obviously means that everyone who has ever put
rollerblades on is still rolling, correct? #12.  Never need to buy
eight new wheels. Don't bikes get flat tires, dents, rusty, worn out
tread? Yes. Can you grind handrails? No... that's funny because I
can. I've seen plenty of bikers fall on their nuts, plus their
shitty pieces of metal destroy the nice handrails for everyone else.
Get more air ... what exactly does that mean? Can you get air ,
probably not. No need to lock skates up because they are always on
your feet. Skateboarders don't hate rollerbladers but they do hate
bikers.Where are you from if you think one skater takes up as much
space as 2 gay asses on bikes? If you wreck, you can just hop off
your little fairycycles unlike rollerbladers who have to take the
pain. If you think that there are no movies, magazines, or books
about rollerblading you must not get out of your cave a lot.
Reflectors = homosexual. Piss on More scab ,Utah.No extreme
rollerblading? Really, then what are the X-games about? More colors-
how many variations of pink do you wanton your bike? No need for
roof racks because skates fit in the trunk.Rollerbladers aren't
hillbillies that's why they aren't in any mountains. We don't need a
pump because we don't get any gay ass flat tires.A plastic boot,
especially to the balls, makes a great weapon. Imagine if everyone
in the U.S. traded their skates for a banana seat bike. Skates don't
track mud and grease and shit everywhere they go.       The end.     
And by the way if you want a real form of transportation buy a car
you poor bastard.


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