Back in 1997, a humorous email message called "101 Reasons Why biking Is Better Than Blading" made the rounds of the Internet. I thought it was amusing, and contacted the author. He gave me permission to put it on my Website, so I did.
In January, 2002, a mention of this apparently was featured in a skating magazine called "Daily Bread." I received a flurry of email messages from outraged, humorless roller skaters. These messaages show a surprising level of reasoning and articulateness.
In the interest of fairness, I'm letting some of these roller skaters have their say:
|Subject: 101 reasons||Subject: (no subject)||Subject: your ignorance is hillarious|
|Subject: your a fucking idiot||Subject: fuck you seat humping faggot||Subject: BIKES SUCK ASS|
Subject: 101 reasonsFrom: [email protected] Date: Sat, 19 Jan 2002 21:44:50 EST Subject: 101 reasons To: captbikeat-symbol sheldonbrown.com i dont know if youre the one who wrote the 101 reasons thing but if you were then youre a complete idiot, if i had the time to re-read all of those reasons and explain to you why each and every one makes you more and more ignorant as your bable continues then i would but like i said i dont have the time. you need to stop with your stupidity and keep idiotic thoughts like those to yourself because all they will do is make people hate you like i now do. you should go back and read some of the crap you wrote and see that alot of it clashes with previous remarks you made, like one for example is the one blader takes up the space of 2 bikers, then you go and say bikers are easier to see at night becuase you are BIGGER...is it just me or do those two comments clash?? see you are an idiot.
Subject: (no subject)From: [email protected] Date: Sun, 20 Jan 2002 20:30:21 EST Subject: (no subject) To: captbikeat-symbol sheldonbrown.com stupid ass biker, blades kick so much more ass
Subject: your ignorance is hillariousFrom: "Ian K.P."
To: CaptBikeat-symbol sheldonbrown.com Subject: your ignorance is hillarious Date: Wed, 23 Jan 2002 20:10:11 +0000 X-OriginalArrivalTime: 23 Jan 2002 20:10:11.0868 (UTC) FILETIME=[F686C5C0:01C1A449] I read your page on why biking is better than rollerblading and you prove your own stupidity, its pretty amusing. Before I go on, one word why I wouldn't bike, spandex, you sick homos. 1. cause your pussy 3. no, skateboards are trendy 4. riding bumps must be real fun 8. we can too dipshit, but we dont need brakes and machinery to do it for us 9. id like to see that. with your mountainbike? make sure you wear your wrist guards 10. drinking fountain 11. too bad your not invited to parties 13. yeah your fucking retarded. i dont think you need to be a biker to sit down although you probably are always in the bending-over position 14. so were the indians 16. again, pussy comment, and yes you do 17. no brakes to replace 18. ever seen the gravity games contest? rollerbladers got more air 21-25. you can lock your bike but we can still beat the shit out of it 26. fuck joggers 27. haha, in spandex. fuckin fags 28. no but you get to enjoy seeing your spandex buddies pass you 29. we dont have gears, or chains, or any of that machinery shit, its called physical ability 32. go to the gym fairy 33. is there anything special about riding a bike no handed anyways? 34. 1 blader takes the space of 2 bikers? what the fuck are you trippin on bikes are twice as big 35. we're the same size a joggers, but honestly, who gives a shit about joggers? 39. if you wreck its twice as funny 41. 1 word, no suspension. ever seen a biker try to jump the 18ft tall Leap of Faith at Point Loma high school? 43. drive across america 48. yes we can 49. poser 50. poser 51. poser 53. umm yes there is 54. oh dear god no 59. boring 61. oh dear god no 62. there are no famous rollerbladers? again, just shows how uninformed and ignorant you are 64. same with a skateboarder, until we beat your ass afterwards, and thats exactly why bikes are not allowed in so many parks. you use a fucking huge machine to do shit 65. once again, your a fucking idiot 68. more colors? hahaha. you ARE fruity fucks. i bet you and your boyfriend have matching pink bikes 73. we put them in the car moron 75. thank god 79. yep 80. yes there are 82. exactly, and who's trendy again? 85. exactly 86. we do have skate shoes idiot 87. a 9mm makes an excellent weapon 89. special 90. exactly 91-95. thank god 96. and high heels
Subject: your a fucking idiotFrom: [email protected] Date: Wed, 23 Jan 2002 19:54:05 EST Subject: your a fucking idiot To: captbikeat-symbol sheldonbrown.com i bet you think your really funny huh well your not your just a fucking idiot that decides to ride a bike you r a fucking idiot peace of white trash that smells bad and everyone at school made fun of you so u go and buy a bike...i have been rollerblading a long time and bikers always think theyre better than us an its fucking stupid...if you dont like us then just cry about it i dont give a fuck but this whole idea of yours wasnt funny it was the stupidist thing ive seen in a long time go to hell
Subject: fuck you seat humping faggotFrom: "Ian K.P."
To: CaptBikeat-symbol sheldonbrown.com Subject: fuck you seat humping faggot Date: Fri, 25 Jan 2002 05:22:24 +0000 X-OriginalArrivalTime: 25 Jan 2002 05:22:24.0348 (UTC) FILETIME=[456FC1C0:01C1A560] hey faggot, how's this for an introduction. is it adult enough for you? haha. fucking retard. its funny how you try and defend yourself with ignorant and idiotic reasons and try to sound all intellectual about it. you actually sound like a complete fucking moron to me. if free speech applies i should just let you know how much of a fucking homosexual spandex wearing dildo riding faggot you are. your wife must be a whore to putup with a moronic fuck like yourself. now go ahead and write back, go through paragraph by paragraph trying to defend yourself and sound smart at the same time. you really struggle through it just as you did with the 101 jokes. fucking goat raper. hmm what to say about that one. lets see umm, try and sound smart now. hahahahha, you fucking low life faggot. get another form of transportation before you have a hernia about that shit. i hope a rollerblader takes you out and you break your wrists. and your page isnt humor its hate, would 101 nigger jokes be humor? hahah you fucking idiot, i shouldnt even be talking to someone with mental disabilities like your own. NOW LISTEN THIS IS WHAT I WANT. sound really calm and collected, address each issue i mentioned, mention that i have no sence of humor and dont conduct myself like an adult, also mention that i have no social skills... and then i will know you truely are a fucking homosexual spandex wearing queer. oh yeah and dont forget to mention again you dont ride spandex faggot. later, have fun having sex with your BIKER buddies. hahahha, correct that too. hhaha. later butt rape, oh yeah and mention again you have a wife to make it seem like your hetrosexual yet you insist on doing that whore in the ass. take that page off your site bitch. -IAN K.P. (ANONYMOUS EVEN THOUGH THATS HOW I WRITE EVERY SIGNATURE) www.aggressive.f2s.com/bikers.html
Subject: BIKES SUCK ASSFrom: "rlrbldr"
To: Subject: BIKES SUCK ASS Date: Fri, 1 Feb 2002 17:24:01 -0500 X-Priority: 3 Taking the time to make a list of those reasons why biking is better than rollerblading proves just how much of a LOSER YOU REALLY ARE!!! -most of the shit on your list is gay as hell anyway examples:if you need to sit down while you're doing whatever, that usually means that you are an out of shape pig,why the hell would anyone want to strap a dildo, I mean light on a bike and ride around when there are things called cars? Who gives a rats ass about power bars? Oh wait you do. Baskets? Bells? Do you have a banana seat and frilly things sticking out of your handle bars too? Yup tandem is pretty gay. How do you figure that rollerblading is trendy when you say that there are more bikers than rollerbladers? We don't have to strap anything to our skates, we have these amazing new things called HANDS that we can carry stuff with. You should try them , oh wait you're too busy holding on to your handle bars. #8. We can stop. This obviously means that everyone who has ever put rollerblades on is still rolling, correct? #12. Never need to buy eight new wheels. Don't bikes get flat tires, dents, rusty, worn out tread?╩Yes. Can you grind handrails? No... that's funny because I can. I've seen plenty of bikers fall on their nuts, plus their shitty pieces of metal destroy the nice handrails for everyone else. Get more air ... what exactly does that mean? Can you get air , probably not. No need to lock skates up because they are always on your feet. Skateboarders don't hate rollerbladers but they do hate bikers.Where are you from if you think one skater takes up as much space as 2 gay asses on bikes?╩If you wreck, you can just hop off your little fairycycles unlike rollerbladers who have to take the pain. If you think that there are no movies, magazines, or books about╩rollerblading you must not get out╩of your cave a lot. Reflectors = homosexual. Piss on More scab ,Utah.No extreme rollerblading? Really, then what are the X-games about? More colors- how many variations of pink do you wanton your bike? No need for roof racks because skates fit in the trunk.Rollerbladers aren't hillbillies that's why they aren't in any mountains. We don't need a pump because we don't get any gay ass flat tires.A plastic boot, especially to the balls, makes a great weapon. Imagine if everyone in the U.S. traded their skates for a banana seat bike. Skates don't track mud and grease and shit everywhere they go. The end. And by the way if you want a real╩form of transportation buy a car you poor bastard. ---SELL YOUR SOUL TO ROLL--- URL: http://sheldonbrown.net/skaterebuttal.html